Saturday, August 18, 2012

No scan results yet

Ferry to Tiburon
During Dawn's KM (friendship) ceremony at the Center, I looked over at some folks making offerings and I thought, Why on earth would I ever want to leave this place, these people?

The pilates class was great this morning. We walked to Japan Town - about four blocks - and had lunch at Izumiya, then returned to go to the monthly Kaiser support group, which was fab. Laura liked it. I think I will see if someone wants to come with me next time too.

Lo suggested in the group that I say something about my mom...which come to think of it I don't think I have written about here.  A couple of weeks ago I noticed that I was feeling crabby about her not calling me, which she has not done for many years, if ever. I got in touch with this longing for my mom to reach out to me,  and I was getting more and more annoyed. I have been calling her once a week or so for many years. I didn't so much feel like talking about it in the group, I feel to some degree at peace with it. I need to be aware of this longing, a longing that will probably never be satisfied by interacting with my mother, or expecting her to 'act like a mom' because I have cancer. Many people shared their feelings about their mothers.

The case worker Ann Foley suggested other ways of being nurtured, for example, by being in nature. I was interested in that because I usually think of nature-time in terms of being sick of the city. But perhaps there's more to it than that. I do feel that I have many nurturing activities and people in my life. My sisters have been wonderful.

Zooming away from city fog,
which I actually enjoy and besides,
the rest of the country is smokin' hot
In the support group we also heard that a woman, Helen, had died. She had multiple myeloma, which I hear now and then but am not totally sure what it is...looking it up reveals that it is bone marrow cancer, starting with  platelets.

Helen was born and raised in San Francisco (you meet natives now and then, not that often). She was...graceful. And seemed very healthy at the group last month. I remembered a few things she talked about: her husband told her that he thought her illness was harder for him than for her, and she agreed that was probably true. He had had to carry her from her bed to the car to get to chemo, she was so weak. She said her two teenagers would help her out, bring her oatmeal for example, if she texted them from bed...I was sorry to hear that she had died. I don't remember when she was diagnosed but she seemed to die very quickly.

I put in a plug at the group for the retreat I want to lead some day for people with cancer.

I may not get the results of my scan until Wednesday at my appointment with Dr. Nelson, but I will try to get them earlier. If I like her she will be my new oncologist.

No comments:

Post a Comment