Monday, October 8, 2012

Second half of today was crap

After a fairly active morning (well, walking with Lo about a mile to Chloe's for breakfast and back, and taking her to the train station), and attempting a few tasks I decided to put off no longer, I could hardly move this afternoon. I lay in bed for many hours with my eyes closed, not sleeping, then watched an episode each of Peep Show and Arrested Development and played Facebook Jeopardy.

Social Security requested a document from me - one I don't have - so I called Social Security (a different part) today to try to get a copy of it. Four or five times I listened to a message that said something like, "There are too many calls. Mondays and Tuesdays are super busy, so don't call then, and also don't call between 10am & 2pm on Wednesday through Friday."

I tried to figure out if my right headlight doesn't work because of a blown fuse, but the fusebox map seemed to be for another car. After pulling out around half of them, I couldn't even find the right fuse for the one that works.

So having not completed those two tasks, I started a third. I composed a letter to the National Personnel Records Center in Illinois, requesting my mom's medical records from Germany and France in 1963 to see if she was given DES during her pregnancy. But then there was a 'drum issue' and only half the letter would print...On the positive side, I tried to do the things I've been putting off...

The energy drained from me and my feet turned numb with occasional needle-like pains. My guts cramp up occasionally. I feel completely wiped out. Was planning to start the shots again today boost white blood cells for Mexico...but abs. cannot.

I know a lot of people have the same symptoms I have - they get super tired but can't sleep, they are drenched in sweat, slowing down, hair falling out or growing in the wrong places, eyesight going to hell, digestion doesn't work, aches, pains, spaced out. These are some typical building blocks, or shall we say breaking-down blocks, of a human body aging. Apparently, it can happen quickly, even to people younger than I, who don't have cancer. If I didn't have cancer and I were healthy like I thought I was a year ago, I wouldn't know this much about other people. But now I'm Sick with a capital S and people tell me their problems, problems the likes of which I have mostly been blissfully free from my entire life. I'm glad I know now.

Media updates:
  • Walked to the library to get a movie I had requested. Forgot it is Columbus Day (Native American Day), so no dice.
  • Right now, listening to Alan Ginsberg give a lecture about the breath/ pause/ phrasing/ rhythm at Naropa Institute (40 or so years ago).  
  • Yesterday we saw Looper, which I liked less than I thought I would.
  • Reading graphic nonfiction called Economix: How Our Economy Works
  • These days I mostly don't seem to get to the end of books I'm reading or listening to... 

Now I am thinking of what substances I'll take so I can sleep tonight. Ten mg of melatonin combined with Benadryl or something else sounds good. Heating pad on my feet, mmmm.

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