Friday, September 28, 2012

Personals ad #2

My friend Mike and I got together tonight and talked for many hours, tried on wigs, and went to Thai House for dinner. OK, and smoked a small amount of strictly medically necessary weed. I've known him for around 12 years and it was a first. We were talking about relationships (to the extent that we could focus on one topic.) Based on some things I apparently said, he put together the following excellent start to a personals ad for me:
  • I've never been in a relationship that was satisfying.
  • I can't think of anything positive about any of them. 
  • I mostly never see anyone I'm attracted to, except sometimes in movies.  
I thought for effect it would be good to add:
  • I have terminal cancer. 

For some reason, it isn't nearly as funny writing this as it was saying it. Maybe you could smoke a J and read it again?

Cup thing not used
during my massage
We talked some about our teenage years, which were remarkably similar, happening as they did at opposite ends of the country (Southern Cal. and Maine). It seemed that on the subject of my past relationships, I often don't have anything positive to say. It's not that I feel I've been abused or misled, mostly just that I've been an idiot. It sounds harsh. I can't justify feeling this way, it's what has happened though. There are things about relationships that I miss sometimes. Anyway, even though this is my True Confessions Blog of Cancer, I find this topic kind of embarrassing, so never mind.

P.S. I still have a lump, a small cyst, on my wrist. It might have gotten smaller in the last week.

P.P.S. Got a massage yesterday up the street at Relax Feet. Getting a massage these days can be slightly stressful, my body being unpredictable, and I don't tell them about the cancer because then I get a shitty massage. Anyway the massage was great, except the part where the masseur rubbed off my eyebrows.


  1. The drawn on ones or the few remaining hairs? Maybe we should start Hairs of Happiness. People can collect the hairs they pluck out, to be fashioned into eyebrow merkins. Or for individual application, like expensive false eyelashes.

    1. He rubbed off the drawn on eyebrow merkin sounds good now that I think of would be much quicker than drawing it all from scratch every day. We could hand out free eyebrow hair collectors, postage paid. 'Course there would be a color issue...