Sunday, September 16, 2012

Why the ads about hair loss today? And more on the subject of "looking sick"

I went for a forest bath in the Botanical Gardens with Vicky yesterday, who is a teacher over at Zen Center and an Iyengar yoga instructor (and probably other things!) At lunch she asked about wearing the wig, I think. Well, anyway, I remember saying that I don't want to walk around with a head screaming cancer patient. However sick I am, I do not want to look sick before opinionated, even concerned, strangers. (Although not looking sick, when you are, also has some disadvantages. For example, someone seeming to be jealous that you look perfectly healthy but somehow get to spend a lot of time going to acupuncture or Feldenkrais classes, etc.) She - having been involved in some bad accidents and dealing with a lot of ongoing trouble - agreed that she doesn't want to look sick either. She also mentioned that when she had shaved her head - part of Zen tradition - she noticed lots of people on the street staring with a strangely concerned and shocked look, no doubt thinking she had cancer. My wigged head felt affirmed.

Rigoletto's brew of humor and hatred...
Later Mary and I went to the Rigoletto simulcast at AT&T Park - it was great, but hella cold - and I mentioned the conversation with Vicky. Mary, who also has some health issues, agreed that she doesn't want to look sick either (knowing, too, the downside of being sick but not looking sick...)

This morning I got ads for hair loss products on two different web pages. I haven't googled anything to do with hair for quite a while, but I have been talking about it...Has to be a coincidence, right?

I am very tired today, even with the morning dex/steriod. The last couple of days have been somewhat stressful, mostly due to feeling I must race across the city several times in bad traffic or public transit situations. Like yesterday I finally got a cab to AT&T Park after just barely missing my bus, and the next one coming in 40 minutes. The taxi driver confirmed that the traffic and gas pipe replacement situation in San Francisco has been dire lately. I also read in The Examiner the other day that Muni service is getting worse. Of course, I don't know if the several battles with the clock are the cause of this fatigue; the source could be just the chemo or blood cell depletion...or whatever.

Enjoyed some luxurious puttering around today, listening to Jeff Buckley and Bjork stations on Pandora...I've logged 1,731 steps today so far, without going outside...laundry, cooking and washing dishes, keeping up with the pills and potions in the right order at the right time, bills, banking, trying to figure out why my printer (which has no cable) doesn't work wirelessly anymore. (Why does it seem that computer related documentation is mostly useless? As a former technical writer, it rattles my cage.) And trying to contain/organize/maintain the proliferating collection of gadgets, scarves, wigs, papers, and makeup in this room...

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