Thursday, September 27, 2012

Round two slooooowly draws to a close

Apparently it's common for the end of treatment, and near the end of treatment, to be hardest. Amen. Beneath everything, beneath whatever I am doing, whatever I am saying, I am waiting, waiting to find out if I still have cancer. It's always there, the question, the waiting. These days they're rubbing together like a cricket's wings.

For the last couple of days, I've been feeling pretty healthy. Bowels seem to be embracing the Middle Way between the extremes of nihilism and eternalism. My feet occasionally feel like they have been replaced by padded 2x4's. They are very alien, but they don't hurt, so far. I walked to Misha's today (takes about 45 minutes at what is for me a fairly brisk pace). The first while after chemo #5, probably because of various other drugs, maybe because my blood counts were low too, in addition to the specific issues I was having, I felt really weird, and I don't any more.

In terms of media, last night I enjoyed The Reader with Kate Winslet and a cute German kid, and reading Cancer Has Made Me A Shallower Person, again. It's very good. I'm sorry its author and illustrator, Miriam Engelberg, did not survive. Before she died, did she think, Will people read my book some time in the future and be sad that I'm dead? I wonder.

I'm frequenting the lie-berry lately, requesting books online for delivery to the Mission branch. New one today: being well (even when you're sick) by Elana Rosenbaum. It's about mindfulness for people with cancer, looking forward to checking it out. I may add a page here of book recs for people with cancer.

As a last-minute fill-in tonight, I taught the drop-in meditation class. It was delightful.

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