Chemical cocktail

Seals chatting in under the Santa Cruz pier

My body seems to be raging with chemicals. Mostly of the pick-me-up variety, but then there's the occasional wah-wah, jet-laggy spaciness. And the odd aches and pains, and numb toes. And it takes me a long, long time to go to sleep, unless I take Ativan, which I have been every night (except for the night of my last blog post when I was a Julie's and stayed awake in bed until 5am!) Still, I would rather be energetic than tired.

Had a great time yesterday starting to catch up with my old friend Sara who I haven't seen in about 10 years. She's just finished nursing school. I noticed that I told her how I really trusted my doctors, and also how my doctor has wanted to give me some serious medications twice, when upon further inquiry it seemed that I didn't really need either of them. After my first treatment, he wanted to put me on Pamodrinate to prevent fractures, but when I asked if he thought I was particularly vulnerable to fractures, he said no. Then after the second treatment/chemo started, the Neupogen shots to combat neutropenia, even though my blood counts have been very high, and the risk is only 20%. Sara mentioned that the medical profession just wants to give you loads of DRUGS, which certainly seems to be true. 

It was great to catch up with Sara. We used to work at a little software company in Berkeley, and both became technical writers for a while...and got married a few times...still much more catching up to do.

I'm giving a talk next Weds at the Center about my experience of having cancer. It's so personal I don't quite know what to say. Will work on it for the few days before Cull, Paris, and Torrey arrive on Thursday...thinking of themes: Preciousness of life, impermanence, anxiety, and love...