Sunday, May 5, 2013


I'm up in Lake County with Hridayashri. It is wonderful up here. Yesterday was very hot and sunny, today is much cooler and overcast. This morning we walked down to the bog and listened to the tonal cries of redwing blackbirds.

I did get a headache yesterday and still had it today, which is disappointing. Maybe this is just how headaches are, I'm not sure, I've had very few. It's not just that there is an ache in my head. It's that my head feels sore and tired and it doesn't want to do anything, ordinary things seem a strain. And it's somehow barely being held up by my body.

But 3 mg of dexamethazone later I feel fine. I'm sitting out on the deck, surrounded by pine, cedar and oak trees. It is very quiet, a few dogs barking in the distance. A crow flies by and I can hear rather loudly it seems the beat of the wings.

Tacos for lunch with fresh eggs from next door, garlic, shiitake, salad, and aduki beans.

Stopped at Harbin Hot Springs on the way here on Friday. Lying down on a bench there in a little cove, I started touching both sides of my head, and I burst into tears. Which is very good for me. I need to come back to my body again and again, not as a maze of unpredictable symptoms and speculations and pains, but as it is, as it feels, as a hurt friend.


  1. Here is your housing wanted ad on craigslist. (Perhaps it's one of many!) I'll let you know if you get any nibbles.

    1. Hey Mary - thanks. Not looking for a sublet anymore though...xx

    2. Deleted and reposted. XO

  2. Those tacos sound good.

    "as a hurt friend"... very touching to me, and beautiful.
    Sending love to your lovely head, and incredible brain, and the parts of you that emanate from there.

  3. Everything Karen says, me too. Yesterday I immediately copied and pasted the phrase* into a collection I keep -- a collection of beautiful lines: "as it is, as it feels, as a hurt friend." Breathing with you, and with all of us.

  4. Make it three.....a lovely, profound way to regard our bodies when they suffer. XO