Sunday, June 24, 2012

Cat Naps, Cary Tennis, Help Update

Rare, non-napping moments
Had a few hours of normal energy early this morning for tackling the paper reduction project, but wrecked pretty much since then. Sleeping and lying in bed watching 30 Rock and Doctor Who. (Saw Tiny Furniture last night too, enjoyed it.) I am eating small amounts of food at a time, or my gut gets into knots. Sometimes it does anyway.

I've come across a couple of writers I like who touch on the subject of cancer. One is Stephen Levine (Dharma Punx author Noah Levine's father.) The other is Cary Tennis, a local who writes the advice column Since You Asked on Looks like he had a cancer ordeal that lasted seven weeks, though it was written in 2010 so don't know what's happened since then.  Anyway I found something he wrote, Having cheated death, I feel alive, that I related to:
Oh, I could take it or leave it, life, I thought before this happened. What’s so great about this beating heart, these heaving lungs, these eyes through which the world enters and signs its name? But threaten to take it away and see how I change: What pleasure in every heartbeat and every breath! What complexity in the color of a rain cloud! 
O gods of clorophyl and proteins: to almost lose life and then to get it back! How bright this earth now! How beautiful these faces! I stop at every stop sign and look around to see what new miracles there are. 
I have to confess to things seeming not quite as miraculous for me, six months into it. However, I'm still doing all right, so far. I'm learning how to take care of myself better on multiple levels, ask for what I need, not expect understanding in certain ways, appreciate my life, and not get too angsty about stuff.

By the way, I don't seem to need help at the moment. Padmatara is around. Much of my family will be here Friday, and my sister Kathy after that for a few days, then Paulette after that. So they'll be taking care of stuff. (I've already made a list!) I may put some walking dates on the Lotsa Helping Hands calendar sooner...I enjoyed that last time and it was really good for me.

Other than two sun hats, the hats I have are going to be too hot once my hair falls out. I will get a wig I think (special occasions?)...but wigs are even hotter! I will probably need to get some lightish scarves...I may just try the bald look too, we'll see...a few months ago Laura and I went to a "Look Good, Feel Better" class by the American Cancer Society in which they showed us various hair options. I can't really remember it but...I see there is lots of (upbeat and less upbeat) tutelage on YouTube. You sorta want to make sure the video has a bald person, because scarves on heads of hair look different.

Must find out from my doctor tomorrow if he will agree to letting me get blood tests rather than the seven days of Neupogen shots, and thereby avoid potential bone distress.

P.S. Pasadini if you read this I hope you enjoy the photos!


  1. If you are interested in another walk in McLaren Park, I am game! There are easy walks too, up to a beautiful view of the bay, or more rigorous, whatever you're in the mood for. Keep in touch! Sending best! -Karen