Thursday, September 5, 2013

How much life?

Changes in the last week or two such that I'm not sure where to begin. On monday Mary Jo suggested i take more morphine and ibuprofen for pain and coughing, more regularly rather than 'as needed'. By medical standards it's still "not that much."

So I did. Result has been no pain in my hip bones and knees, and less coughing. And dozing in and out of sleep all day. I'd resolve to finish my paperwork each day this week, but I simply haven't had the mental ability. Laura - bless her cotton socks - was helping. 

Part of the cause of all the sleeping, too, is that typing on my laptop in bed is so un-ergonomic that it was causing new pain in my side, the way I'd prop up on one side for hours typing with one hand. So then I didn't want to get out my laptop, which weighs hundreds of pounds (and is usually 100 miles away!) Using the phone is usually pretty handy but you can't do everything on a phone. 

But my point was, doing computer stuff also keeps me occupied with what I feel I need to do. I did make a one-day-at-a-time vow against my inane computer/phone game, which I've kept to for ten or so days so far. 

I wish I could explain the states I've been in. My body has been so at peace it doesn't want to move, especially since moving often evokes a coughing fit. And a soup of swirling images. A sound byte will merge into something visual, to a memory flash from yesterday, to something that that might happen tomorrow, to a scene from a t.v. show I haven't seen in a month. With my eyes closed I'll see an image of somewhere I went in Spain, realize I'm lying in bed thinking of thinking of what to do next, then wake up (an exaggeration), wonder is it a time to take a pill?, yes it is, then I doze off, wake up two hours later with the pill still in my hand...

I tried dictating this once before but, lost it due to different devices overwriting each other. Both Kathy and Paulette are coming to visit this month. It's hard for me to think. A lot of times I am looking at something, not really looking at anything.

A couple of weeks ago several people came over with some great lunches! I updated my food tab if you are thinking about that - simple things that are easy for me to digest. I seem to be winding down on that though, perhaps because I am so occupied with maintaining my body - deal with pain, or other issues that arise, coughing, aches, etc.  Talking can also be a strain because it makes me cough more.

Yesterday I was talking to Danamaya and counted four times that I forgot the second half of a sentence, (Thankfully I can always find it again, so far).

Helen is dropping by some muffins.  I may be seeing Misha tomorrow.

OK, I better write the rest in another post!


  1. It is wonderful to come home to find your words here. Thank you for the gift. Bless YOUR cotton socks, too.

  2. I'm so amazed this writing was able to make it through the morphine, not just coherent and with punctuation, but eloquent and with byte spelled with a y. I'm happy to see a post from you. Sending metta.

  3. Sending you lots of love, surrounding you with peace, dear Suvarnaprabha. You are in my heart. xo