Tuesday, July 9, 2013

Doctor visit

Jules and my sister Kathy and niece Paris came with me to see Dr. Nelson yesterday, wheeling me around in a wheelchair which helps a lot with the breathlessness I get from walking. Still, just getting dressed to go out continues to feel like a lot of work. I have to pace myself and I am learning how to do things more slowly, after a lifetime of zooming around.

Dr. Nelson was being very friendly. She actually made small talk for the first time ever. As we were leaving I was surprised to hear her say, "You're an amazing person." I'm not sure what she meant really but I'm glad she likes me.

We talked about palliative options. She gave me a load of cough stuff (syrup, Tylenol with codeine, and something else), to see if something can help. If it doesn't, some lung radiation (not Cyberknife) after a CT scan would be an option. Chemotherapy is off the menu. At the moment, I'm disinclined to do either.   

My appetite is back, and I am sleeping much less. The coughing bothers me, and some hip pain. The most disturbing thing is not being able to walk (I fear I repeat myself) or having to lie down so much of the time. Thinking back to my anagarika ceremony I see how exhaustion somehow reduced my personality to the bare minimum. I guess that was radiation fatigue.

Meeting the hospice lady today. (She had to reschedule to later because of the recent plane crash at SFO.)

I miss my retreat massages. If anyone knows a good masseuse who makes house calls, let me know!


  1. I'm NOT supposed to be checking anything online, but I'm home getting some stuff we need, and I couldn't resist checking in with your blog, at any rate! Retreat or not retreat, things progress and morph and go on as they will! I hope your various preparations are giving you relief--sending XOXOXs--also Tricia Lowder gives excellent massages and cranial-sacral therapy. I hope this is her current #-- 415-861-4367. She's come a few times to the center and is really good friends with Nicole Sumner. Hope she can work out for you!----see you in about a week or so, honey bun!---XOXO

  2. You are amazing, just as the Dr. suggests. Your strength & faith shines strongly through in your, as you called it, predicament. While it is hard to say something correctly, I do want you to know I am reading your blog & holding your hand. You are a beautiful Golden Radiant being! Sending much love for your comfort and peace. Sandy xoxoxox