Monday, February 25, 2013

Thirst, fatigue, writing

The almost full moon last night
on 22nd Street.
I seem to have found someone, Teng How, who will do chi gung/tai chi with me almost every day in Dolores Park. It feels great. He's not particularly gentle, but he's available and willing, bless him! He gave me a pep talk today. I wanted to take a photo of him doing a handstand against the fence but couldn't tell if I had his permission so didn't. (He just laughed when I asked.)

Saw a couple of films with Greg AKA Satyaloka: Django Unchained (FYI, the 'D' in Django is silent!) and The Silver Linings Playbook. Former was good, "uneven" perhaps is the term, and yes, I think even more vividly violent than Tarantino's other films. Latter was very good. Both Greg and Pasadini have now left town.

It occurs to me rather late in the game that some people reading this will have no idea who these people are. Hint: if they have nonstandard, usually long, names, they are ordained members of our Order. Often they are people who used to live in this building, as did the two people mentioned above. Almost everyone is a Buddhist who I know through our Order, or this Center, or we have shared a living space at some point. For example, I have lived with Padmatara for almost 15 years, and with Karunadevi for around the last six months in the three-story building whose ground floor is occupied by the San Francisco Buddhist Center. We live on the top floor. The middle is Shantinayaka and Elaine, plus some guests and occasionally classes.

Insect- or crustacean-themed
sliced beet
Had a good chin wag (I love that expression, British) yesterday with Elvin at Que Tal cafe. At the end he encouraged me to be more assertive with my doctors, which I think is good advice.

I will need to get a CT scan at some point, last one was in December. Dr. Nelson is uncommunicative. I am not in a hurry to get another one. It's a lot of radiation. Plus what will it show?

I say that I don't have any symptoms, but I do get very tired, especially in the last week. Possible reasons:
  • Lung nodules sucking the life out of me
  • Allergies or bronchitis or some kind of virus
  • Being vegetarian (started that again this year)
  • Ordaining someone and leading retreats and having visitors. (At one point after her retreat, Hridayashri was just as tired as I was!)
Also, I am thirsty, it seems, all the time. There seems to be some blood in my lungs, although I am pretty sure I am coughing less since starting the antibiotics.

I'm considering just doing medical updates here (and perhaps the occasional burning philosophical points when necessary!) and putting more energy into the  book.

I skyped with Vidyadevi (she is in Wales) about my book, pondering some 'next steps.' Though catchy, "Crap! I've got Cancer!" seems too flippant a title and not reflective enough of the actual content of this blog. But I'm into catchy. Any suggestions for a catchy title for my book (based on this blog) appreciated! 


  1. how about:

    Cancer is us (play on cancerous)
    Yes, you can catch Cancer.
    What would YOU do if you had cancer?
    Suvanna 1, Cancer 0
    Cancer is serious, but NOT today.
    If I had cancer.....

  2. I quite like "Crap! I've got Cancer!" - but it´s just a modest opinion since English is not my first language!

    (It reminds me a bit of "Get Your Shit Together! - Life and Death Planning" at

    I´m trying to cut down with swearing (among other things) but there are places and moments when a certain naughty word is not that bad, I think.

    Hanna, Finland